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  • Peter Arnold

Our Relationship With => M-O-N-E-Y


As more is discussed about the proven Virtual Wealth FORMULA ... which can lead to the coveted Virtual Wealth LIFESTYLE ... it might be good to "pause" for moment, and take a sober reflection about our actual "personal relationship" with MONEY ...


In my practice as a Business & Financial Consultant over the years, I have witnessed so many heated "love-hate" scenarios when it comes to clients' involvement with "money".


It has been (incorrectly) labeled as being "the root of all evil" ... or, as being represented by "too many people - spending too much money - buying too many things they do not want -.to impress too many people they don't like" ... "keeping up with the Joneses", etc.



Money = only a TOOL - I firmly believe that the first thing we need to understand is ... money itself, is NEUTRAL ... it has no "feelings" - it is like a "hammer" ... it can be be used for both GOOD and BAD.


IMPORTANT? - YES!, of course it is! :>) But the "worship" of money is not healthy. In some ways, I think we have more of an 'emotional charge' on money than we do on sex!


And that's because 'money' is power - it is control - it is weakness - it can make people very vulnerable (especially when personal DEBT is all-consuming), etc.


And thus, it is often easier for many to simply NOT talk about it ... causing family stress, nasty quarrels, breakups, divorces - on & on. Yes, the subject of "money" is a BIG deal!



P. T. Barnum ... "Money is a terrible master but an excellent servant".


As Ayn Rand ... "Money will take you wherever you wish, but it will not replace you as the driver."


Anonymous ... "The real measure of your wealth is - how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money".



QUESTION - Do you tend to believe that money is the "ultimate panacea" for YOU? Have you ever thought to yourself - “If I just had more money, my life would be so much easier and less worrisome?” Most people tend to think this way - until they amass some real wealth - and the opposite happens ... their life often gets harder and more stressful.


A 'RELATIONSHIP'? - Most individuals (and couples) do not even realize they have a "relationship" with their money. They see money as something they just have to "deal" with. In reality, the relationship they (you) have with their (your) money is actually like having a relationship with a real "person" in their (your) life.


And just like any relationship, you’re in it by choice. We honor our relationships through behavior and intention - and it’s no different when it comes to our relationship with our money.


And just like any relationship, you’re in it by choice. We honor our relationships through behavior and intention - and it’s no different when it comes to our relationship with our money.


It’s difficult to tell if there is a problem in any relationship - that is, unless someone tells you. Most of the time that is your significant other, your friend, or a family member.


Your money can also tell you if there’s a problem ... you just have to look for it ... decide what to do about it ... and then, take (hopefully, the right) action to solve it. While I'm no psychiatrist, I did learn in psychology classes that the one thing WE have complete and total "control" over is - our own thoughts ... we "are" what we think about ... it's powerful!


BUDGET - One way to exercise that power - by "getting to know" your relationship with money - is to create a budget. A budget not only allows you to choose exactly "where your money is going" ... it allows you to "avoid unnecessary spending". YES, budgets can be "boring" - but the reality is - we do NEED them. If you have a budget, you are clear on "what money is coming in" ... "how fast it’s going out" ... and "where" it is going. These markers are great to reduce stress and frustration!


Here are some further thoughts on this "relationship with MONEY" thing - - -


I happen to believe that most people have an "unhealthy" relationship with money. And sometimes it’s not their fault. Some have been taught to think about money in a certain way since they were children.


And as a result, instead of inheriting money, they inherited their unhealthy relationship with it. Some people have had some bad experiences around money at some point, and carry around this bad feeling their whole lives.


There are even whole industries that perpetuate an unhealthy relationship with money. Take education, for example. I bet you’ve heard the quote, “you don’t get into teaching for the money" or, “you won’t ever get wealthy as an educator”.


Sadly, people in this profession are practically brainwashed into "scarcity" thinking. As a result, they remain with scarcity. I would venture this is pretty the same for the nursing profession, and the social services industries. Very unfortunate.


ABUNDANCE - If you have an unhealthy relationship with money, you will never create the abundance you wish you had.


In order to change your financial world, you will need to change your "feelings and paradigm" about money. You'll need to change the way you think, feel and act about money. Here are some concrete beliefs you can adopt to begin to change your view of money:


1) PRIORITIZE & MAKE GOALS - In order to make your own relationship with money a priority, you must have something that you are 'working towards'. Whether it’s paying off DEBT, saving more for a family vacation, putting money away for emergencies, working towards a Virtual Wealth LIFESTYLE, etc, you must have a plan for your money.


Having a plan is more than just an [unclear] thought of where you want to be. It’s an ACTION plan that allows you to take out the guess-work, and gives you clear steps you need to take, to be successful.


If you are married, your money goals should be decided "together", and should be something you talk about during your financial meetings.


Your goals should be specific and detailed. Instead of saying. “I want to save for a new car” - make it even more specific by saying, “I want to save $10,000 for a new car by August of next year.” This will give you the clear steps you need to take to reach that goal.


2) FORGIVE YOURSELF - "The truth is - unless you can let go - unless you forgive yourself - unless you forgive the situation - unless you realize that the situation is over - you cannot move forward". – Steve Maraboli


One thing I've understood, as a Business & Financial Consultant, is that you need to be able to "forgive yourself" for past & current money mistakes. It’s important to realize that you must accept the things that have already happened.


You cannot change what happened in the past regarding your credit card debt situation, your income circumstances, or your lack of savings. All you can do now, is "accept" the decisions you made in the past, and take steps to "change" them in the future.


The fact is … just as with any other relationship, you are going to make mistakes along the way. NO one is perfect. Your self-worth is not dependent on these mistakes. Take these opportunities, learn from them, and then move on. Yes, you might miss a credit card payment on occasion, or spend too much money at the mall, or skip your savings for the month - but that’s OK.


Note: Your background - your IQ - your degree(s) - your social status - these are all completely irrelevant when it comes to earning money. Many of the richest people on the planet didn’t even finish college. In fact, many of them came from immigrant families with no wealth. Conversely, some of the people with the highest IQs, or the best grades in college, never prospered financially.


Here are some proven TRUTHS on "money" ...


• If you can solve huge PROBLEMS for people, you WILL make the most money, and build wealth. The question is not ... “What BUSINESS should I create?” The question should be ... What PROBLEM can I solve with my business?”


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